A train journey

Not fully original, and I must agree, also a bit exaggerated. Inspired from an article I had read in Hyderabad nearly a year ago

I have had very few experiences of traveling alone in a long-distance train but the few that I have had have shaped my opinions about train journeys to a great extent. Like any other novel scientific experiment -from which we have high hopes but aren’t too confident about the results due to its unpredictable nature- railway journeys too can be broken into a series of simple steps

Step 1: Finding your train

Considering that you must have already reserved your berth and therefore know your berth and coach number (you aren’t such a novice after all)..But what you do not know is the platform number. At places like Howrah station where you have different sets of platforms, you might well find yourself shuttling back and forth the kilometer distance between the sets( okay the actual distance may be much less but try walking it through the crowd with all the luggage and you’ll get my point). Some lady does keep announcing the numbers but you really have to be a first class code breaker or have the ears of a dog to understand what she says- for the amplitude of the voice reduces drastically just as the number is announced – “PLATFORM NUMBER two “. Nor is the enquiry office any help for by the time you get to actually cross the queue and pose your question, your train would have reached the next station. Finally, if you are lucky, the electronic boards get updated just in time for you to reach your train in time (by which time your neck has suffered severe crams due to the continued craning at odd angles). In case you do not trust technology --especially when handled by the Govt of India-- its best to ask the info politely of a chaiwaala . In case politeness doesn’t work, you have to spend five whole rupees on a cup of tea you dont even want to have. You might also take the help of a coolie nearby, although, I must warn you, not everybody wearing red clothes is a coolie.

Step 2: Finding your place in the train

Well, contrary to popular (and wise) opinion, train coaches are somehow not always numbered in serial order (at least they never have on the trains I have to get on). You go past S1, S2, S3, and S4 only to find no trace of your coach S5. Finally when you do find your coach, you find that somebody (or that somebody’s luggage) is sitting on your seat. You timidly ask “Sir, I think 44 is my seat, sir” “oh is it then “ and then you wait for five whole minutes for him to get up, probably not being satisfied with only two references to him as “Sir”

Step 3: Finding place for your luggage

Since you are not the first to have arrived in your coach, all the luggage space has already been taken. So you twist and turn all the other baggage to make space for your own. “Handle that case carefully son. There are valuable breakables inside”- the old man orders you, not caring enough to help you out with their own precious articles. Finally you realize that half your luggage has to be kept on your berth and used as a pillow while sleeping. You wonder “cavemen must have used rocks as pillows, right? Well these are just suitcases. I’ll do just fine” and you resign yourself to your fate.

Step 4: Knowing your fellow passengers

Trust me; unless there’s a hot girl around, you had better avoid this step (not that you will be able to do much with a hot girl around anyway). Big families on the train are a big headache. Yes, you do get to swoop in on the numerous eatables they have with them ( that too right from the word GO), but even then it is not worth the pain and agony of long-drawn antaaksharis with 10 year olds and or listening to free advice from unknown 50 year olds. Wodehouse is probably your best companion during those 20-30 odd hours.

Step 6: The nights

Well, do not sleep. Even if the people scold you and plead you to switch off all the lights do not do that. Keep watch on your luggage. Even if you do doze off make sure you have one of your hands, legs or any other body part (subject to availability) covering up your unlocked luggage. Read books and make sure you haven’t eaten enough to have to go for an early morning emergency. That way is the safest.

Also if your train is bound to be travelling through Bihar or UP or MP ( or rather any god damn part of the country), you are bound to have numerous ticketless passengers fly in into your reserved compartment ( so what if you paid a thousand bucks more than these guys just for the tickets). Not only do they drop in like those unwanted “blessings” showered from birds flying over your head, they also demand to be seated and are ready to take up a huge argument with you regarding human rights and the dignity of all human beings if you even so much as grudge the extra space to them. They are however a very short-lasting affair (much unlike Ekta Kapoor’s saas-bahu serials). So just wait till the storm subsides.

Step 7 : The goodbye.

By now, you are desperately longing to step foot into your destination. You leap up with joy when you know it’s time to get off. The train stops at the desired station. You thank God that there have been no derailments, crashes or Maoist attacks (much to the chagrin of the media guys). You step out of the train, breathe in the fresh air of the new city and get ready to face life’s next challenge-

The taxiwaalas!